War

I went to war against myself,

because you told me I would eventually go when I would be ready.

Well, that night, I was ready.

My heart wore the armour my soul forged for it

And my body wore the robe of Love

I was ready to face myself

My biggest enemy

My soon-to-be ally.

I closed my eyes and let my soul take me to the battlefield

My hands gripped tight to each other

My nails dug into my skin

What would come out of this?

will I make it?

I felt the air turn cold against my cheeks

And opened my eyes to a world full of emptiness

It looked nothing like a battlefield,

But it made me feel even more terrified.

I shivered at the sight of too much of this nothingness

And questioned my presence there, at this very moment

I looked around but my eyes could not bear it

The desolation was blinding.

I stood there

Clueless of what I should do

Feeling like my wrists were chained to the ground

And my feet nailed down.

No step taken could bring me salvation,

This was somehow clear to me.

As I realised my helplessness, I tried to remain calm

But the thought of My Beloved refused to enter my mind

My soul seemed to have fallen asleep

And in a matter of seconds,

I felt the most alone I have ever been.

what do I do, now?

Do you know,

How scary it is

To no longer be in control?

Do you realise,

however

That this fear we feel

Is just reality checking in?

I went to war against myself that night,

Wearing an armour and a robe of Love.

I thought I would fight,

And I considered myself ready for it

I thought I would face me

And tell her

"you are nothing,

You will taste defeat."

Instead, I was chained down,

Nailed to the ground

I could not think,

Not even about thinking.

I could not budge,

Not even blinking.

I stood there

In utter emptiness

As the control I thought I had was taken away from me

My mind was no longer mine,

Because it has never really been.

I realised,

After spending a little lifetime in this world of emptiness

That I went to war against myself

Expecting to be set free

But was chained down

As the real war did not require weapons,

For it went on inside.

I felt every blow,

Every time I was reminded of my foolishness

To think I was in control

To think, my body was mine.

The real war

Happens within

When you realise nothing is yours

Without Him giving it to you

Nothing is yours

Without Him taking it back

Nothing is yours

Without His Will

And nothing

Is in your control.

I went to war

To realise my insignificance

As nothing would be,

Without His Mercy.

I went to war

To realise I am no one,

Just a servant

Living the life written for me.

I had no say in what would happen

And no say in what has to be.

I am no one

For He is the Only One.